So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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