hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
