ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
