Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
