I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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