Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
