did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
