I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
