There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
