'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
