I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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