i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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