I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
