if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
