omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
