Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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