So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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