please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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