fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
