i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
