literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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