that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
