Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
