just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
