Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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