im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My cat gives me a boner
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
