you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
