I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
