great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
