love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
