i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
