I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
