i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
