I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
