i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
