Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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