it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
