she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
