I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
