How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
