you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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