Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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