new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
