I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
