you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
