This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
