Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
