You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
