The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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