i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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