Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
