So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
