I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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