he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
