I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Green mimosas i think yes
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
