i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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