i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
