TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
did i walk over a car last night?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
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I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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