Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
