If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
