i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
