do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
