Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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