The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
