If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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