sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
