plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
