we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
