I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
