mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
id be glad to
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
