He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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